The Sexual Jesus

 

Last night at Mass I heard something I have heard for years, all about the Jesus hwo does not want to change you but kill you, the JHesus who wasnts to take you completely over so that your thoughts are his thoughts and you care for hat he cares, who want you to turn all of your wil land your desire over to him. This scary Jesus is one I tried to meet and live with and offer myself to. All this time later I wonder if as scary as he is, he is not less scary than the alternative. I begin to wonder if this Jesus isn’t wet dream of the guilty, the Jesus who stops you from having to worry about actualization or doubts. What if what Jesus wants is simply for you to grow—not into him—but into you. What if that is our nature? What if to become a Christ we must become ourself?

 

We are journeying as one body. I was afraid of this, afraid to belong to the Church, fine with being part of the Secret Church or unseen Church, but not fine with being allied with a particular church, fine with being a sort of Catholic, but denying being a Roman Catholic. From now on let’s not deny anything. Let’s tell the truth and let’s embrace. My place in the Church is on the outside. I attend the Mass from my house and in my way, but it is still that church and that mass and through it I enter into the Whole Mass. My gate into the Secret Church is the Roman Church.

 

Let my views go on being schismatic. Let they grow into themselves. Of late I have been thinking of the sexual Jesus, not necessarily desiring him sexually, but thinking of him in his sexuality. I am looking for pictures of the whole and sexual Jesus as opposed to the virginal one. The Church suffers from our idea of virginity. Let us embrace sexuality again. I read part of Man of Nazareth by Anthony Burgess. It is far from a great novel, too much cleverness, but there is a part where Jesus is fucking his wife and having an orgasm and it always touches me: Jesus as sexual being.

 

There is a not marvelous but deeply sexual portrait of Jesus among other naked men being baptized in the Jordan. They are all brown with thick curly hair and rounded muscular buttocks, Jesus rises from the water thick cocked and I wonder if this is not the pornography we need? Christ our Lord at last brought into our sexual fantasy.

When I type "sexy" or "nude" Jesus into a browser, I am greeted largely by joking images which display is anything that unlike Zeus, Apollo and all the other gods who were not men, we have a distinct squeemishness and nerves when it comes ot portraying Jesus as a sexual being. Liberal Christian will never be liberated until Jesus is incorporated in their sexual imagination. Queer Christians will never be anything but the pets of the heterosexuals until they cane queer their minds and imagine a homosexual Jesus,